Entertainment: Movies, TV, Music

.:What I'm Watching:.

• Bloodrayne 2: Deliverance. [Things get even wilder in the already Wild West when Billy the Kid (Zack Ward) and his band of cowboy buddies -- vampires one and all -- arrive in Deliverance, Mont., to establish their kingdom. Now, it's up to the half-human, half-vampire Rayne (Natassia Malthe) to use her fearsome powers to stop them. Along for the ride is reporter Newton Pyles (Chris Coppola), whom Billy spares so he can tell the bloodsuckers' story. ~netflix] oh, yes, i did. i got me the sequel. because i'm a masochist! natassia malthe = the worst actress ever. ever. ever. on her imdb page, it says that she's a professional model. she REALLY should stick with that and STOP ACTING. for the LOVE OF GOD, STOP ACTING. she was in DOA: Dead or Alive. that movie was campy fun. but i HATED her in that movie. i wanted to BEAT HER FACE IN. there's just something about her that bugs me. GAH! anyway, this movie is AWFUL. uwe boll (the director of both bloodrayne movies) should jump in a lake of sulfuric acid and die. one of the WORST movies i've ever seen. and not in that "so bad, it's good" way, either. it's just painful to watch. vampire cowboys... uhm. no. do yourselves a favor and never pick this movie up. oh, and i gave this movie 1 star. but only because there's no such thing as ZERO stars. heh. look, i know i did this to myself... the first bloodrayne was bad. no question about it... so i figured that this would be more of the same... and that at least i could make fun of it and it would be funny. no. it's just uber-painful to watch. blurgh.

• Classic Caballeros Collection: Saludos Amigo & The Three Caballeros. [Classic Disney cartoons take on a spicy Spanish flavor in this pair of animated features set south of the border. The travelogue Saludos Amigos (1943) finds Donald Duck, Goofy and a parrot named Jose Carioca exploring Lake Titicaca, the Andes mountains, the Argentine pampas and Rio de Janeiro. Then, in The Three Caballeros (1945), Donald Duck serves as a tour guide for a virtual trek through Latin and South America. ~netflix] hey, did you know that they did a LOT of acid back in the day? no? watch any disney movie from like, the 1940s and 50s. so.much.acid. anyway, this particular collection is definitely not in my essential-disney collection. it was all right, but i certainly didn't love it. 3 outta 5.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. [In 1995, author and Elle magazine editor Jean-Dominique Bauby suffered a stroke that put him in a coma; he awakened mute and completely paralyzed. Mathieu Amalric stars in this adaptation of Bauby's autobiography, which he dictated by blinking. Julian Schnabel was nominated for the 2008 Best Director Oscar and won the Golden Globe in the same category for his poignant film about the strength of the human spirit. ~netflix] i was surprised at how good it was. i expected it to be reeeeeeeaaaaaally boring. i mean... how many times can you hear someone recite the french alphabet? hehe. but it wasn't boring. it was utterly fascinating. read steve's review. it's better than reading one of mine. hehe. 5 outta 5 stars.

The Golden Compass. [After overhearing a shocking secret, precocious orphan Lyra Belacqua (Dakota Blue Richards) trades her carefree existence roaming the halls of Jordan College for an otherworldly adventure in the far North, unaware that it's part of her destiny. Nicole Kidman, Daniel Craig and Sam Elliott co-star in this fantasy-laden family adventure based on the first book of the Philip Pullman trilogy His Dark Materials. ~netflix] 4 stars. except, i was annoyed by the ending. they may as well have put "to be continued..." at the end of it. blah. except... apparently, it's not gonna be continued. damn it. i'm probably gonna need to read the books. maybe with mia when she's a little older. i thought the effects were pretty well-done. and i liked the talking animals... but i guess not a lot of people did.

The Guatemalan Handshake. [A man's disappearance in the wake of a widespread blackout ignites a chain reaction of oddball events in this award-winning independent feature from writer-director Todd Rohal. No one's sure what happened to derby driver Donald Turnupseed (Will Oldham), but his absence has had a definite effect on those around him, including his pregnant girlfriend (Sheila Scullin), his father (Ken Byrnes) and his best friend, Turkeylegs (Katy Haywood). ~netflix] quirky. 4 stars. then 3. then 4. finally settled on 3 cuz i felt like if i had to think about it that much, it should probably be 3. it's ... really off-beat. that's really the only word i can think of to describe it. oh wait. i used quirky before. okay. fine. quirky AND off-beat... forget it. here's steve's review.

• I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With. [James (Jeff Garlin) knows all too well that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. He's an overweight yet starving comedian in Chicago looking for love and weight loss in all the wrong places. After failed relationships and career mishaps, James turns to the one thing that won't let down (but fattens him up): food. Sarah Silverman, Amy Sedaris and Bonnie Hunt it was all right. while i didn't hate it, i probably wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. jeff garlin was just trying waaaay too hard. i guess i should give him props for writing, directing and starring... wait. maybe i shouldn't. i don't know. anyway, only 2 out of 5.

.:What Mia's Watching:.

Oswald: Welcome to Big City! [Follow gentle Oswald, the titular star of Nickelodeon's popular children's animated series, as he navigates life in the big city with his good-natured pals, Henry the waddling penguin and Daisy the friendly flower, and his loyal pet, Weenie the pup. Includes eight episodes featuring the bouncy, blue-hued octopus. ~netflix] oswald is really cute. in a weird, quirky sorta way. but mia can watch him for a long time. therefore, i love him. hehe.

.:What I'm Listening To:.

The Raconteurs: Consolers of the Lonely. finally got a chance to listen to this... it's a really good album. i'm always wary of sophomore albums, but this gets my thumbs up. hehe.